The Selfcare Hour

An adult man with emotions of sadness and anxiety sitting alone at a wooden table near windows.

Can we bear that place of “not knowing”

Uncertainty is a hard space to be in for many people. This happens when our minds become our only source of truth – the place that holds memories, thoughts, judgements, past and stories of our future. With our world ever-moving, constantly evolving, and complex relationships with others, make it difficult to feel fully present, to simply just be.  I need you, and I need you to need me  When we are romantically involved with someone else, the thought of not knowing if things will work out can eventually replace that brief initial hit of euphoric, dreamy love. It’s no surprise with studies showing that 1 in 5 adults have some form of anxious-attachment.  What was once an exciting, spontaneous message from your love checking in to see how you are doing, quickly becomes a craving, even a threat, if it doesn’t happen as often as you’d like. “Are they having second thoughts? Are they messaging somebody else? Am I enough?” This behaviour becomes so second nature to you, that you might not even realise it is happening, or why these relationships keep failing. The intense need for love, attention, assurance is how you survived, after all… Head over to my substack for free to read the entire article, don’t forget to subscribe! Interested in therapy with me? Let’s chat over a warm cuppa tea.

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Looking for a therapist, counsellor. Counselling in Staines. Counselling in Perth.

Speed dating to find the right therapist for you

I’ve had therapy myself, and I know that finding the right therapist can be an easy or tough process, especially with so many potential options available.  A bit like speed dating – therapists are just people – and with every person, you might click with them, and you might not. Here are some helpful tips on how to find the right therapist for you.  Step 1: start looking for a therapist I’d recommend using tools such as the Counselling Directory or British Association of Counselling Psychotherapy to find a professionally trained and registered counsellor. If you use Google search, most qualified therapists will have a logo on their website that leads to an accredited counselling body in your country (for example, the BACP) – this ensures that your therapist has met the minimum training standards to be a part of that ethical governing body.  Does their experience align with what you’re looking for? This may matter to you if you are looking for someone very specific, for example, a therapist that identifies as LBGTQIA, specifically trained to work with neurodivergence, experienced in post-natal depression etc. In such cases, you might want to tailor your search to find someone who has trained or worked with people in this area. If, however, you are open to the idea of a therapist with a diverse background, you really want to find someone who you can gel with. Top tip! To help you find someone with a specific experience or niche, you can use directories such as the counselling directory and filter by specific experience or keywords. This may help you narrow down your search.  Step 2: schedule a call with them Most therapists will offer a free introduction to get to know each other. It is a good way to see if you could be a potential match for each other.  Step 3: speed dating time! If you are unsure on what you are looking for, I’d encourage you to book an introduction call with 2-3 counsellors to get an idea on different styles of working and modalities.  Step 4: are they a match? Now you have your calls booked in, the next step is figuring out if they are the right fit for you! So, what could you look for in a therapist? Firstly, do you like them? It might seem a simple question, but whilst you do need to give a person the benefit of the doubt, once you have had an initial chat with your therapist, ask yourself, could I see myself opening up to this person? If not, what was it about them that you were unsure of? Reflect after your introduction call. Below are some useful questions to understand how you felt following your initial discussions with a therapist: This may help you as you continue your search. You may decide from the off that this person is the perfect fit for you, and in that case, I’d encourage you to book in an initial counselling session with them and get started on your journey! Step 5: Try a few sessions with your therapist, or keep looking! Even just speaking to a therapist for the first time can feel daunting, but once you get to know them, the benefits therapy can have on our mental health can be life-changing. It’s completely okay to meet with a therapist and ask them a lot of questions and then decide not to work with them. It’s not your fault – it’s being human! You have already decided you would benefit from therapy, so it is worth trying again and booking an initial appointment with another therapist.  Well done for starting this journey! It isn’t easy, but you’re taking the first step in seeking the support that you deserve. Want to try therapy? Book a free call with me.

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Old yellow car. Counselling. Therapy. Mental Maintenance.

Maintenance isn’t just for your car – it’s for your mind, too

Maintenance isn’t just for your car – it’s for your mind, too We service our cars once a year to ensure they run smoothly and keep us safe. If a pipe in the house starts to leak, we call someone in before it bursts. But how often do we check in to make sure we’re not about to burst? Not often enough. We carry on, pushing through stress, headaches, aches and pains – wondering why we feel so low, so often. That’s where mental maintenance comes in. Counselling, therapy, and small acts of reflection can help reduce the risk of burnout and emotional shutdown. Just like your car or household, your mind deserves regular care – not just once per year when everything feels like it’s falling apart – we want to experience balance between the messy and the good stuff – happiness, joy, excitement, all waiting to bloom out of our mind.  Feel all the vibes, not just the happy ones I mentioned happiness just now – not because it’s the only emotion we should aim for, but because most of us want to feel it more often.  But, happiness doesn’t show up without the full emotional range. We need those ugly cries, the red cheeks, the moments where everything feels just too much – to truly work through the ones weighing us down. Feeling it all is necessary to be able to move through ‘stuff’ that is seriously hard to navigate if we are constantly trying to put on a brave face, and see it through alone.  Being human is complex. We’re navigating fear, joy, grief, connection, anxiety, and constant change – in our bodies, minds, and relationships. That’s why regular maintenance matters. Your car may need a service once a year, but your mind? It needs more than that – it needs presence, support, and space to just be. How to Maintain Your Mental Health More Regularly Not just good vibes, but all vibes are welcome here. 

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Vietnam, Travel, Backpacking, Article, Wellbeing, Wellness, Health, Breathe, Journal, Reading, Mental Health

You don’t need a plane ticket to feel alive 

Rice fields – Hoi An, Vietnam How I felt didn’t change because of where I was – but, it grew my mind in ways sitting comfortably in my grey, velvet swivel chair in my home-office could not.  Now, I am not telling you to quit your job or your lives to travel the world – this is not realistic in our economy. However, I encourage you to read on, because what I learned is that you can feel inspired from the comfort of your own home – and that all starts with our minds, not where we need to be.  Little is more  People sitting on small plastic stools down the alleys of Hanoi seemed basic, there were no signs saying that you needed a permit, no security guards on the doors of bars or pubs, no entrance fees, no need for a ticket in advance, no QR codes to order your food or drink. Just take a seat on any stall that you find, and that’s it. I didn’t feel stressed or underdressed, I didn’t feel intimidated by people around me. It all felt so basic – but the atmosphere was not basic at all. It was vibrant, it was easy, it was fun.  Community amongst the locals and travellers alike was clear, there was no judgement. Just laughter and the slush of drinks as they cheersed each other, language was not needed, body language was enough. Travellers tear apart the nation’s popular Banh Mi, chatting away or enjoying their own company, without the need of knife and fork. There were no signs of worrying about fitting in, everyone looked so natural as they embraced this bustling city.  Crossing the roads making way for the never-ending mopeds. Travellers hopped on the back, arms around their driver so willingly, so comfortably as they chatted away on route to their next destination.  Nomads and expats joined in on the community everywhere we went.  Thailand, Vietnam, Cambodia – bars and restaurants, quaint little cafes offering painting, yoga, meditation, cooking classes, walk or run clubs, and everything else you could ever imagine down every street. Co-working spaces for all nations. Comfortable nooks for reading or eating, laughing or crying. Whatever you needed seemed a short walk away at very little price.  Chatting amongst people felt so easy – “where are you from?”, “have you tried this place yet?”, “do you mind helping me out?” – another normal occurrence, no worry, no judgement.  Community seemed to lead to happiness in places with little money, barely anything noticeably extravagant, but it was all people seemed to need.  Banh Mi 25 – Hanoi, Vietnam Community and support I realised how little this surrounded me at home – my grey swivel chair and the odd coffee in town, a quick gym session. Keeping to myself unless I passed someone I know. Afraid of judgement, afraid of doing something wrong. This was my norm at home. Everyone seemed so busy, our routines became so fixed.  I felt inspired by my travels. I wanted to do all the cooking classes I could. Buy strawberries from the local sellers. I did exactly what I needed to do, without pressure, without judgement.  I wanted to speak to people. I wanted to know their stories, where they were from, why they were here. My mind had expanded beyond the fear that restricted me at home.  “So, why did you leave your home to travel?” The people I met along the way gave me the same answer over and over again: I needed a break, I needed a change from home.  That’s exactly why I flew across the world, too. It suddenly crossed my mind that almost everyone I spoke to left their lives seeking more, wanting to feel inspired, wanting to find purpose. Everyone I left at home felt the same – “if I could do that, I would.” Why is it so normal to feel this way? People fly across the entire world, quit or take an extended break from their jobs, all for a change, all to get away from the comfortable routine of home.  It makes so much sense. But in a way, it didn’t. The fact it makes so much sense to everyone I speak to, friends, family, people at home – we all longed for more, but, we don’t act on it? Instead, we normalise wanting more as a never-ending thought, unrealistic, unnatural even.  Not everyone may feel this way, some people may feel inspired in what they’re doing. Happy with where they are. But, the majority of people I speak to, or work with, are seeking change. And why? Well let me tell you – because we’re human, and our environments have become too inhuman.  Locals selling strawberries – Dalat, Vietnam The biggest learning of all Billions of years ago, we formed communities that would travel miles together to experience purposeful change. Forging for food, growing what they needed. Expanding their families.  Now, we mostly stay within 10km of our home for most of the year. We use modes of transport to visit our communities, we work from home, we sit longer than we need to, we use apps to speak to each other, we rely on entertainment through easy, costly items. We take breaks when we can, not when we need to. We go to the doctors or finally speak to someone when the final straw is pulled. We wait for inspiration to find us. It is no wonder the nation is suffering.  Inspiration doesn’t live in geography. Change doesn’t have to happen because of the final straw. It lives in how we engage with the world – whenever, or wherever we are. Things that helped me (and might help you too): Balance isn’t just about getting more done Having a routine is good because it brings clarity, structure, and a sense of direction. But what many of us miss in the rush of life is a balanced routine. One that includes space not

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dog, puppy, pet, bichon frise, animal, pup, young dog, toy dog, doggy, domestic dog, nature, canine, mammal, cute, adorable, furry, portrait, park, outdoors

Losing a pet: the grief is real

Losing a pet: the grief is real There’s a quiet kind of heartbreak that happens when we lose a pet. It’s rarely talked about in the same way as other losses. Often, people feel the need to shrink their pain, bury it beneath phrases like “it’s just an animal” or “other people have it worse”. But here’s the thing: grief doesn’t measure itself by species. If your pet felt like family, like home – it’s because they were.  They were the one who curled up with you on rainy days, the silent witness to your tears, your wins, your heartbreaks and new beginnings. They were there through job changes, flat moves, breakups, stress spirals, and cosy Sunday mornings with a nice cuppa tea. That kind of presence doesn’t just disappear when they go. It leaves a space that only you can truly feel. And that grief? It’s valid. Every bit of it. Do pets really help our mental health? Turns out, yes. In ways both big and beautifully small. Pets don’t fix everything. But they find a special place in our wounded hearts.  There are physical benefits, too Living with a pet often brings little rituals: walking, throwing a ball, sitting in the sun together. These moments might seem simple, but they’re surprisingly powerful. Science agrees. Just petting an animal has been shown to lower cortisol (the stress hormone) and raise oxytocin (the bonding one). That combination? It makes us feel safe, soothed, connected. In fact, some research in the UK and Australia even shows that pet ownership can ease the load on national healthcare systems—by helping people stay mentally and physically healthier in the long run. The other side of love: when we lose them Here’s where things get harder. Losing a pet can affect your mental health in real and lasting ways—especially when the attachment runs deep (which it often does). Research from the University of Bath suggests that how we cope with loss matters. When we fall into habits like overthinking or self-blame, grief tends to feel heavier. When we learn gentler ways to sit with our sadness, it softens over time. But that can be hard when our grief isn’t acknowledged. According to Psychology Today, grief after pet loss is often “disenfranchised”—meaning it’s not recognised in the way other types of loss might be. That lack of validation can make the sadness feel even more isolating. Some stats to hold space for: So what helps? There’s no quick fix for heartbreak—but there are ways to hold yourself (and others) more gently during it. A quiet kind of love To grieve a pet is to grieve a kind of unconditional love. One that didn’t ask much, but gave everything. So if you’re in that space now—missing the sound of paws, the little routines, the warmth—you’re not alone. Your grief is not too much. Your story matters. And maybe, in time, love will return in a new form. It always finds a way.

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